The Believer Magazine
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The Twelve Labors of Hercules, First-Time Homebuyer
“The Slaying of the Movers Who Broke Hercules’s Only Box of Plates, Not with Violence, But by Leaving a Scathing Google Review Comparing Them to a Nine-Headed Hydra with a Case of the Dropsies.” -
An Oral History of the Kidz Bop Cover of John Cage’s 4’33”
“Cage wanted you to listen to the sounds you normally ignore. Like people breathing and birds chirping. I wasn’t all that excited about it, but they kept telling us that if we didn’t do what they said, they’d sell us to Randy Quaid, and he’d hunt us for sport.” -
Forgotten Literary Moments in Which a Cat Throws up and No One Wants to Deal With It
THE SUN ALSO RISES: “Oh, Jake,” Brett said, “we could have had such a damned good time together. If you would only scoop it up when it happens, and spray the area with stain remover. It’s not that hard. Much like other things I could mention.” -
Was It Cake?
“We were selected for a new game show, ‘Is It Cake? Extreme Home Edition.’ Once we’d signed the paperwork, we had to find the cake within seven days to win the grand prize of $75,000. Our time would be up at sunset today, and the sun was getting low in the sky.” -
The Dread Lord Nyarlathotep Presidential Library
Deferred Culling Email to President Nyarlathotep’s Workforce
“If you choose to remain in your current position, we thank you for your renewed focus on serving the indifferent Outer God to the best of your abilities and look forward to working together as part of an improved Cult of the Dread Lord.”
Trending
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 22, 2025This Is How You Normalize Performing a Fascist Gesture
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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October 11, 2006Back from Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
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January 21, 2025I Am a Disappointed Trump Voter Who Was Told It Would Be the Past by Now
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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January 31, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Ask Carrie
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January 28, 2025Reviews of New Food: Jeni’s Cosmic Bloom Ice Cream
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January 24, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Inside Out
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 7, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Carol Moldaw
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December 13, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Ancient to the Future
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December 11, 2024Letters to Moms: A Letter to Kevin McCallister’s Mom
News & Announcements
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times -
Presenting one of the very finest works in the history of the human language, painstakingly and loving presented in an edition the likes of which could only come from McSweeney's publishing. -
A collection of riotously entertaining columns, written for The Believer magazine during its years in the desert. -
“A beautiful magical artifact for every wizard's library!”
—Pendleton Ward, Emmy-award winning creator of Adventure Time
Recent Posts
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January 29, 2025Reasons Your Password Was Rejected
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January 28, 2025How We Restored Our New York City Loft to an Authentic Nineteenth-Century Sweatshop
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January 28, 2025Everything You Need to Know about Rememory, the $150 Million Apple TV Hit That Can Be Watched Only in a Retirement Community in Ohio
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January 27, 2025Executive Order: We Must Stop Everyone from Transitioning, So the President Knows Who to Grope
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January 27, 2025Watch as I Destroy Your Society, Gradually, Over the Course of One Hundred to Two Hundred Years
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